Of all the good things - like Judy, Sarah, Dr. Warner- of all these good things, the verybest thing that has happened to me has been Charlie. I found true love. How many people can saythat? I never ever imagined that I would have a relationship with a man, or that I would findromantic love. That was for the movies. The only people I knew who had a loving marriage wereJudy and Leo. The Warners certainly didn't have a loving marriage, and after a few years thestory-book romance of Walter and Lauren ended in divorce. And my friend Gladys has hadthree unhappy marriages, but she's looking for a fourth. What a masochist!Let me tell you about Charles Herbert Webb. And I say with great pride that I am Mrs.Charles Herbert Webb. I don't want to keep my maiden name like many women. I want to shareCharlie's identity.

He was born to Mabel and Marvin Web, simple people who lived in the rural communityof Seymour, Illinois, home of Southern State School for the Feebleminded. Marvin worked in alumber mill and Mabel was a cook in a diner. For as long as Charlie could remember, he wasdistant from his family. They were like people who shared a house, and that was it. As soon ashe walked into his house, he was engulfed in a grayness, a depressing feeling that permeatedevery room of the house. As a child, Charlie had fantasies that he was adopted or had beenstolen. His real parents must be people like him - outgoing, talkative, interesting. Not like thesepeople he lived with who were silent, boring, and introverted. Although Charlie wasn't close tohis family, he was close to many of the kids at school. Everybody, except his parents, likedCharlie, and Charlie liked everybody, except his parents. Guys admired him because he was astar athlete. Being tall, 6'3", and well coordinated, he was the star of the Seymour High Schoolbasketball team. Basketball ruled supreme in southern Illinois so Charlie was much admired byboth boys and girls.

More than anything, Charlie wanted to get out of Seymour and live in a big city. Theonly way to do that was to get a college basketball scholarship. Although he applied to a numberof schools in different places, he really wanted to go to a school in Chicago - the city of hisdreams. The time when he was waiting to hear about what school, if any, would give him a

scholarship was stressful because if he couldn't get a scholarship, he couldn't go to college andhe'd be forced to live the rest of his life in Seymour, a place he despised. If he went away tocollege, he would leave behind his girlfriend of two years, a girl he enjoyed sex with, but didn'twant to marry. She knew he wanted to escape from Seymour and her so she was giving him ahard time. She wanted him to take her with him to college, which of course, he'd never do. Heknew she wanted to get pregnant so he'd be forced to stay in Seymour, but he made sure he worea condom every time they had sex. He wasn't going to get trapped by her. He was going toescape. No one was going to stop him. For extra protection, Charlie told all his friends that heused a condom so that his girlfriend couldn't claim that he fathered a baby she might have madewith someone else.

The weeks of waiting to hear about a scholarship were a time of intense anxiety soCharlie took to hanging out with a bunch of undesirables at a local bar where everyone drankuntil they were blind drunk. That's where he met Jack Miller. Many of the attendants fromSouthern hung out there. They were an unsavory bunch, talking about sex they had and sex theywanted to have, who they hated, which was mostly everyone, and ending the evening with abrawl. However, Jack stood out. First, he was this big ugly, dirty, scary looking guy. He wasobsessed with his blond angel at Southern. Of course, Charlie didn't know at the time that theblond angel was Sarah Warner, a teenager with Down Syndrome and an IQ of 40. Miller saidthat he fell in love with her at first sight. All he could talk about was that if he screwed her, shewould be transformed into a normal woman and he would get her out of Southern and theywould run away together. This was his version of The Frog Prince, only he was the princess andSarah was the frog. Obviously, Miller wasn't too rational. Actually, he was crazy.The night before Miller raped Sarah, Charlie had a huge argument with his girlfriend. Sheclaimed to be pregnant, but he told her he knew she was lying. She told him that she would telleveryone in town that he was deserting her and her baby. He walked out on her and went to thebar where he proceeded to get very drunk. He sat next to Jack who went on and on about Sarah.Charlie stared at Jack and saw what he would look like if he stayed in Seymour for the rest of hislife. To stop Jack's rambling, Charlie told him to find Sarah, take her to a hidden spot, and giveher the best screwing of her life. He said that maybe he could come along and make a porn

movie of Jack screwing the retard until she turned into a normal person. Charlie wasn't reallylike this, but he wasn't sober and he was haunted by the vision of himself becoming Jack Miller.After he left the bar, he forgot all about the incident. He was just talking crazy and neverrealized that Miller would do what he said. That is, until he heard about the rape a few days later.He felt guilty, but now that he was sober, he realized that he had nothing to do with the rape. Hedidn't cause it; it was just a coincidence. Miller hadn't really listened to him. And even if he had,he didn't rape her because of what Charlie said. Charlie forgot about the whole mess becausetwo days later he got his acceptance letter and a scholarship offer from Loyola University inChicago. His dream came true.

He went off to Loyola and never returned to Seymour. He put memories of everyone andeverything from Seymour out of his mind. He didn't write to his parents and lost contact withthem. He rarely even thought about them. At Loyola, he was one of the stars of the basketballteam. He did well academically and found that he enjoyed the challenges of academic learning.Seymour High didn't stress academics; they were unimportant for the life most of the studentsled after graduation. To Charlie, everything about college life was wonderful. It was all hedreamed of and more, especially the adoring girls waiting for him after his games. He majored ineducation with plans to become a P.E. teacher. But before that, he wanted to play professionalbasketball so he could earn lots of money. More importantly, he wanted to continue playingbasketball because that was the love of his life. He was happiest when he was bouncing the balldown the court readying his eyes to swoosh the ball through the flimsy net. Charlie was a goodcollege basketball player, but not good enough for the pros. He didn't get any offers fromprofessional teams so he had to be satisfied with real life. He got a job at a Chicago high schoolas a P.E. teacher and basketball coach. That turned out to be perfect for him because he wasinvolved in basketball all the time. The school was multi-ethnic with only a few whites so havinga white coach was unusual, but it didn't pose any problems. Everyone loved Charlie. He wasoutgoing and a great teacher and coach. Soon after Charlie began coaching, the team startedwinning and even got to the state finals several times.

Charlie had an active social life, but he never settled down with a steady girlfriend. Hesaid he never found the right girl until I came along. He feels that God intended for us to fall inlove and I think he's right. They say that opposites attract. On the outside, we are opposites.

Charlie's 6'3" and I'm 5'1". He was dark haired and I was a red head when we were young. Ofcourse, now Charlie is almost bald and my hair is completely white. But on the inside Charlieand I are exactly the same. We have the same values and the same life goals. Our souls aretotally intertwined.

Charlie had forgotten all about Jack Miller and his rape of a Southern resident eight yearsearlier until he saw the headline in the newspaper saying that Jack Miller murdered SarahWarner and tried to murder Mary Reilly. Suddenly the past came crashing into the present. Herecalled the night he told Miller to screw the hell out of the blond retard, and he had done it thenext day. Now he had killed the blond retard. There was the picture of the blond retard on thefront page of the Trib. She was pretty and innocent looking. And there were the words describingSarah's rape eight years ago and the horrendous murder a few days earlier. He concentrated onSarah's murder and only incidentally noticed that a Mary Reilly had been wounded.For the next six months Charlie could think of little other than Miller and Sarah and hisrole in contributing to her rape and ultimately her murder. Over time, he felt greater and greaterguilt for his role in Sarah's murder. People noticed a change in Charlie. He didn't seem as happyand easy-going as usual. When asked if there was anything wrong, he'd say no, but he knewwhat was wrong, only he didn't know what to do to make it right.

He cut out the newspaper articles about Sarah's murder and re-read them over and over.One day as he re-read an article describing how I'd been stabbed also, he was struck by the ideathat he had to ask my forgiveness for what had happened to me because he felt that he wasresponsible for what Miller had done to Sarah as well as to me. He decided to track me downand ask for my forgiveness. He hoped that might help him atone for some of the guilt thathaunted him. He tried to find a Mary Reilly in the phone book, but he quickly realized there weretoo many Mary Reillys in Chicago to call all of them, and then he realized that I might not live inChicago. I might live in the suburbs, or I might have moved away. He thought he might track medown by finding Mark Warner, but he didn't have any better luck. He was not as creative in hissearch for us as Jack Miller was. As a last resort, he decided to ask for help from his roommate,Jimmy, who was a Chicago cop. They had been teammates on the Loyola basketball team andsince graduation had roomed together. At first he didn't want to tell Jimmy why he needed theinformation, but he knew Jimmy wouldn't help him unless he told him. Once he did, Jimmy

tried to dissuade him from this futile search. He said that I couldn't erase the guilt that he felt,and that he had to deal with God for that. Finally after Charlie's persistent pestering, he relentedand gave him the Warners' address and phone number. He said that I lived with the Warners, orthat I had at the time of the murder.

Charlie decided to call the Warners' number to find out where I was and set up a face-to-face meeting with me. He didn't want to just show up on the Warners' doorstep and have thedoor slammed in his face. He envisioned all the scenarios for our meeting, and they all endedwith me granting him forgiveness and him starting to heal. In his imagination I looked like thepicture of Sarah he saw in the Trib. When he called the Warners' number, Mrs. Brown answered.Had Edith answered, she would have hung up and that might have meant Charlie and I wouldnever have met. But God was watching over us and made sure that Mrs. Brown picked up thephone. I'd given her Judy's phone number and address in case I got any calls or mail or she hadto contact me for any reason. Mrs. Brown asked Charlie why he wanted to contact me, and heassured her that he was an old friend who meant me no harm so she gave him Judy's number.When Charlie called Judy's number, he got Mrs. Pulaski. With her limited English, shecouldn't understand what he was saying so she told him to call back later when her son washome. Thank God Charlie didn't give up. When he called back, I answered. I happened to bebabysitting with Carl while everyone in the family went to church. They usually took the baby,but he was sick and I volunteered to stay with him. Again, God was looking over Charlie and methat day. Do you see why I keep saying that we were fated to meet?"Hello, my name is Charlie Webb and I'm looking for a Mary Reilly. I got this numberfrom Mrs. Brown, the Warners' housekeeper."

I was frightened. Who could this be? Insane thoughts raced through my mind. Was this areporter who found out I'd been at Southern? Was this a policeman who wanted to know moreabout the murder? I curtly asked, "What do you want?"

"First of all I want to tell you that I don't want to hurt you. I want your forgiveness."My heart was racing. Who was this nutcase?

"Forgiveness. For what?"

"For my part in Sarah's rape."

I couldn't talk. My mind was paralyzed. I thought of hanging up. There was this longsilence. I heard Charlie sobbing.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"My name is Charlie Webb. I lived in Seymour when Sarah was at Southern. I was a highschool kid who was at the bar the night before she was raped. I talked to Jack Miller the nightbefore he raped Sarah."

I was choking, but I managed to say, "I can't talk to you now. Give me your phonenumber and I'll call you back. Don't call me at this number. I don't live here."I didn't want to give him my Lawndale number because I didn't want him to know whereI lived.

He gave me his number, and asked "When will you call me?"

"I don't know."

"Do you promise to call me back?"

I hesitated, and then whimpered, "Yes."

When the family got back from church, I told Judy about the call."Judy, I had a call from some guy named Charlie Webb who wanted to talk to me aboutSarah's rape. He said that he talked to Jack Miller the night before the rape. I couldn't talk tohim when he called. I couldn't handle it. I told him I'd call him back. What should I do?""You need to know what this Charlie Webb has to say. The more you know aboutSarah's murder, the better."

"What happens if he's a maniac or a pervert or a murderer?"

"Well there's only one way to find out and that's to call him."

I thought about the call constantly. Finally at 8:00 on the Tuesday night, I dialed hisnumber. There was no answer. I thought this was a good omen. Maybe I wasn't meant to talk tohim, but I decided to try one more time so at 9:00 I called, and Charlie answered on the first ring."Hello."

I couldn't talk.

"Is it you Mary?"

"Yes."

"Thank you so much for calling. Can we meet to talk? I can't say all that I have to say onthe phone."

I hesitated. I was afraid to meet him and he knew it.

"We can meet in a public place that you pick and you can bring people for protection ifthat would make you feel better."

"Sarah was murdered on a public street. You would think that would be the safest placein the world - a street leading to a beach. When do you want to meet?""Saturday or Sunday would be good."

I wanted to have Leo come with me for protection, but I had to check with him about agood time. "I'll call you back tomorrow night to let you know."

"Can you call after 9:00? I have practice."

"What kind of practice?"

"Basketball. I'm the coach at Washington High School."

I hung up wondering whether Charlie Webb could be a murderer and a basketball coach.Leo agreed to come with me as my bodyguard so I called Charlie back and we arrangedto meet on Saturday at 3:00 at the McDonald's on Clark and Devon. As I thought about Charlie,

I was beginning to feel that I didn't have to be afraid of a basketball coach, but still I wasn'ttaking any chances.

When Leo and I got to McDonald's at 2:40, Charlie was there already. He'd been theresince 2:00. He recognized me immediately. As he walked toward me, I knew it was him. Ifigured a basketball coach had to be tall, and Charlie was tall. Here was this tall, thin man with abuzz cut of dark hair and a long, narrow face. But what was most distinctive about Charlie werehis big ears. They were like little satellite dishes and in a way they were because they picked upmessages. Charlie has always been a great listener, and that's one of the reasons why people likehim so much

As he approached me, he asked, "Mary Reilly?"

"Yes. Charlie Webb?"

"Yes."

I introduced Leo who said that he'd sit at a table where he could see, but not hear us. Hegot a coke and then opened the newspaper to keep himself occupied. He looked like a bodyguardfor a Mafia mobster.

We sat at a table far from other people. Charlie said he was dry and needed something todrink. He asked me if he could get me anything and I told him that I'd have a coke. It wasobvious he was nervous. He was fidgeting and had trouble talking because of his dry mouth.When he was at the counter ordering, I studied him. I saw a tall, thin cute guy and I knew thenand there he would never hurt me. I was attracted to him. He was the first and only man I've everbeen attracted to, but I put any idea of a relationship out of my mind. He was a college educatedteacher. I was a former retarded whore with only an associate's degree.We drank our cokes in silence for a few minutes. Charlie stared into my eyes and I feltwhoozy. What did he want from me? Why was I responding to him physically? I wanted toreach out and touch his hand. I had to will my hand to stay in my lap."I wanted to talk to you, but now I don't know where to start."

"Start at the beginning. Tell me about yourself and how you came to know Jack Miller."

And then he told me about growing up in Seymour and how he hated it there anddesperately wanted to get away. When he told me about the night he was with Miller andencouraged him to rape Sarah, he was tense. His body stiffened.

"It's my fault that he raped her. If I hadn't egged him on, he wouldn't have done it,"He started to cry and soon he was sobbing uncontrollably. He cried so loudly that someof customers looked at him. He tried to regain his composure, but he couldn't. He just let out allhis emotions. Finally, he said, "Mary, I need your forgiveness. Please. Please.""Charlie, it's not my place to forgive you. Only God can do that. But I really don't thinkyou caused Miller to rape Sarah. He was going to do it no matter what you said. You were drunkand nervous about school. You were just a kid running your mouth off."I continued giving him support and comfort. When he looked at me, he was like a littleboy asking to be forgiven for having done something very bad, like breaking a priceless familyheirloom.

I didn't talk much that first time we met. Charlie just kept rambling on as if he wastalking to himself. At 4:00 Leo came over and said we had to leave. Charlie immediately said,"Can we meet again? I have to see you again."

"I'll call you."

I wanted to meet with him to help him find forgiveness from God, but I also wanted toget to know him. That date - January 17, 1977 - is embedded in my memory. It's the date whenGod brought Charlie and me together.

We started seeing each other every weekend. We always met at a restaurant or a park orsome public place. I didn't feel that I needed Leo after our first meeting. I knew Charlie wouldn'thurt me. I realized from the start that Charlie couldn't hurt anyone. He is a gentle soul. Hewanted to pick me up to drive me where we were going, but I insisted on taking publictransportation. I didn't want him to know that I worked at Lawndale. At first, he didn't askquestions about me. He just talked about himself, and that was great with me. I was falling inlove with Charlie, but I knew there was no future for us if he ever found out about my past so the

longer he talked about himself, the longer I could be with him. Once he found out about me, Iwas certain that would be the end of our relationship.

At first he wanted to know where I worked and I avoided telling him. He started callingme "mystery woman" and was sure I was a CIA agent or in the witness protection program. OneSaturday we met at a pizza joint for lunch and talked for hours. As we were leaving, there was aviolent thunderstorm. I told Charlie I'd wait inside until I saw the bus stop across the street, buthe insisted on driving me home. He said that he was going to kidnap me and take me to his car.At the door, he turned to everyone in the restaurant and made noises like Tarzan calling to theapes in the jungle as he pounded his chest and said, "I'm Tarzan, king of the jungle, and I havemy woman Jane here and I'm taking her with me to the jungle." He picked me up and threw meover his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Everyone in the restaurant laughed. I didn't knowwhether to laugh or be embarrassed. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. Nothinglike this had ever happened to anyone before. Of course, I had no idea who Tarzan and Janewere, but I didn't say anything. I was learning to hide my ignorance of the world.That's how Charlie found out where I lived and about my job as night manager of agroup home for retarded women. He asked why I was still working with the retarded after myexperience with Sarah. I told him I didn't know. I couldn't tell him that working with retardedpeople made me feel that I was doing good in the world, that I was doing God's work, and that itwas my passion, my calling. He said that he knew I was a caring, loving person and that's why Iworked with the retarded. I couldn't look at him. Here was another man like Dr. Warner whowas seeing something good in me. Interesting because both Dr. Warner and Charlie were lookingfor forgiveness: Dr. Warner for giving up Sarah when she was born, and Charlie for his mistakenidea that he caused Sarah's rape. And they both felt that I was the key to their gainingforgiveness. Maybe I was.

Gradually we began to do different kinds of things together. One night, we went to anoutdoor concert at Grant Park. We laid on a blanket on the grass looking up at the stars. Howcould I help but fall in love with Charlie that night? We listened to classical music as we gazedup at the black sky with countless stars trillions of miles away. We talked about whether therewas life on other planets, and whether we would want to travel to another planet. We dreamedabout what a perfect life would be like in space. I said there would be no hatred and meanness

and everyone would be respected for who they were - God's children. Everyone would live bythe rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Then Charlie took my hand.That was the first time he touched me.

Charlie loved the Cubs so he took me to a Cubs game. I had no idea of the rules ofbaseball so Charlie became my teacher, and I found that I really enjoyed the game. That was thebeginning of my life-long passion for the Cubs. I love them even though they are the biggestlosers in baseball history. Maybe that's why I love them. I've always rooted for the underdogs inlife. And of course, I'm the ultimate underdog. I've made it so there's hope for the Cubs. I'msure someday they'll win the World Series. You can tell from that statement that I am one of thegreatest optimists of all time.

When Charlie's team played home games, I went to cheer them on. After a few games, Iasked Charlie if I could bring my Lawndale ladies to the games. He, of course, said yes. First Itook them to just watch so they would become familiar with the gym and the appropriatebehaviors. Screaming was okay in this setting. Then I got them pompoms and led them in loudcheers. I looked around the gym and saw that my ladies were just like the normals - fanatic fans.By that time Charlie's students knew I was his girlfriend, and they also knew where I worked.They accepted my ladies without reservation. There was no hint of shame at having retardedfans. A fan is a fan.

Charlie and I acted like we were just good friends and avoided touching. I think we bothknew that even a kiss would lead to the bedroom and I wasn't ready for that. I had sexualfeelings for Charlie, but they were mingled with memories of the horrible sexual experiences Ihad as a child. I felt that I had to hide my feelings because I was afraid that I'd scare Charlieaway. Then one hot, humid day we went to the beach. Charlie tried to teach me to swim, but Iwas afraid of water over my knees so I clung to him. I had my arms around his neck in a chokehold and he laughed that I was strangling him. I was sexually aroused by our closeness and myfear of drowning if I let go. He brought me to the edge of the water while he went off to swim. Iplayed in the surf with the little kids. I even borrowed a pail from a three-year old so I couldmake my own mud pies.

We were leaving the beach, sitting in the car laughing at some people in old fashionedbathing suits we'd seen when Charlie reached over and took my hand and brought it to his lipsand gently kissed it. Then he kissed me gently on the lips. I had never been kissed when I was awhore. I was 27, and this was my first romantic kiss. I was in love with the most wonderful manin the world, and we had no future together. Then he took me in his arms. My breasts pressedagainst his naked chest. Every cell in my body responded. I had sex in cars for a year and a halfand had never been sexually aroused, but in that hot car wearing wet, sticky bathing suits, I wasready to make love, but I knew I couldn't.

"Mary, I'm in love with you and I think you feel the same way about me. Mary, you'rethe first woman I've ever loved and I'm not sure what to do or how to act. I don't want to scareyou away. You seem so fragile. I don't want to break you. I searched for you to ask yourforgiveness, but I found something completely unexpected. I found love."I couldn't talk. I cried uncontrollably. He drove me to Lawndale House and said he'd seeme the next day at 1:00 and that we could talk then when I was calmer. I ran into LawndaleHouse and bumped into Gladys as she was leaving. She saw the state I was in and insisted I tellher what was wrong. We went to my apartment and I told her everything. When I got the job atLawndale, I told Gladys about my past at Southern, but not my first 13 years. Now I wasdescribing those years of my life in lurid detail. No man could love a woman who had been awhore, who had sex with hundreds of men. She said that I had no choice but to tell himeverything if I wanted our relationship to continue. She said that if he loved me he wouldunderstand that I hadn't chosen to be a whore. I was forced into it. I was a helpless child. Sheheld me close and told me that she loved me like a daughter.

I didn't know what to do and where to go so I turned to Judy - my pillar of strength. Thenext day I planned to be at Judy's when Charlie came for me. I was running away from him. Icouldn't face him. Gladys drove me to Judy's because I was in no state to take the bus.Judy arranged for her mother-in-law to take care of Carl so we could talk withoutinterruption, and we did so all night. Judy said I had to risk my future and tell Charlie everything.If he truly loved me, he would accept me. How could he accept my past when I couldn't? Shepointed out how Leo had accepted her even though she had lived in an institution her whole life.

I said that it wasn't the same. I'd been a whore. She said that I really hadn't been a whore. I hadbeen a sex slave who had no choice, no way out.

The next morning I went to church with the Pulaski family. I prayed to God for guidance.God told me I had two choices - tell Charlie the truth and risk losing him but also risk gaininghappiness I never could have imagined, OR run away from him and never see him again butnever, ever find happiness in life. He said that I had to choose and that He couldn't choose forme. He told me to examine my heart and I would find the answer.

Leo drove me back to Lawndale at 2:00. Charlie was sitting on a rocking chair on theporch. He was talking about basketball to Bart and Richard, two residents from Kildare House.Charlie told them he'd put a basketball hoop on the driveway and teach them to play basketball.The men were ecstatic. It was like they knew Charlie for years, and not for just a few hours.I tried not to look him in the eye as I asked, "You look tired. Have you been here long?""Yes, since midnight. I couldn't sleep. I had to be near you even if I couldn't see you. Igot a few hours sleep in the car, but I've been waiting on the porch since 9:00. I checked with thecounselor and she told me you weren't here. I knew you had to come back sometime and I wouldjust wait until you did."

"Did you eat anything?"

"No. I'm starved. I didn't want to leave to get anything. I didn't want to risk missingyou."

"Come in. I'll make you a sandwich." I couldn't believe I had uttered those words. I wasinviting him into my world. I had taken the first step over the threshold. I knew the choice I'dmade and it was irreversible.

I led him to my small apartment off the living room. Several of the girls in the livingroom wanted to talk to us, but I told them we'd talk later. When I shut the door, the girls giggled,suspecting what was about to happen. This was the first time anyone other than Judy, Gladys,and the Lawndale women and staff had ever been in my apartment.

As I made Charlie a ham sandwich, he looked around my one-room apartment. Heexamined the wall containing my framed diploma from the community college, my enlargedsocial security card, and my enlarged voter's registration card. He didn't ask why anyone in herright mind would have these things hanging on their wall.

After he wolfed down two ham sandwiches, a can of mixed fruit, 5 chocolate chipcookies, and 2 glasses of milk, he sat back and said, "That was the most delicious meal I've everhad. You are a great chef - just like Julia Child."

"Who's Julia Child?" I silently reminded myself not to ask questions that showed mysocial ignorance.

"Mary, I will never ask about your past. All I want to do is be with you. When you'reready to tell me, you can tell me. I'll wait forever. Mary, I love you. I've never said that to anyhuman being before. I can't give you up no matter what. I can't imagine a future without you. Ithink about you all the time. I feel like you're with me all the time."I was paralyzed. Here was the man of my dreams, but I didn't know if he would actuallylove me if he knew the truth. It was easy for him to say these words without knowing that Iworked as a whore.

I cried for a long time, maybe 20 minutes. He held my hand the whole time. And then Iprayed to God, first silently and then aloud. "God, please answer my prayers. Tell me what todo. I need your guidance." And then God made the choice for me. I clearly heard Him say "Tellhim." And I did.

"Charlie, I love you with all my heart and soul. You are the greatest human being in theworld. And I want nothing more than to marry you and spend my whole life making you happy.I'm going to tell you my life story. When I'm finished, I don't want you to say anything. I wantyou to go home and think about everything I've said. Then I want you to call me later and sayjust one word - yes or no. If it's no, I'll understand because I don't think I could marry someonewith my past."

And for two hours I told Charlie my whole life story starting with my life with Eileen, mytime as a prostitute, my pregnancy, my sterilization, my life at Southern, my life with Dr.

Warner, and Sarah's murder. I didn't look at him while I spoke. I didn't want to know how hewas feeling. When I was finished, he left without saying a word.

At 2:00 in the morning, my phone rang and there was just one word spoken. "Yes."The next day after school, Charlie came to see me. When he came into my apartment, wedidn't talk. I opened the sofa bed and we laid down. I was scared that I wouldn't be able torespond to him because of nightmares from the past, but I needn't have worried. I respondedwith a passion I didn't know I had. He was kind and gentle and asked me over and over again ifeverything was okay. I was really a virgin even though I'd had sex with hundreds of men. It wasa beautiful first experience.

When we were finished, he turned me over and touched the scar on my bottom from thestabbing. He gently kissed it. There was more healing in that kiss than all the medicine in theworld.

Then Charlie, totally nude, got out of bed and got down on his knee and asked me tomarry him. I laughed and said, "Charlie, I want to marry you more than anything in the world,but do you really want to give up having children?"

"Mary, if we decide we want children, we can adopt. There are so many needy childrenin this world who would be honored to have us as their parents. But we may not want to havechildren. We may not want to share our love with anyone else but each other.""Charlie, how can you accept my past? I can't."

"Mary, don't you realize that your past is what has made you into the strong, lovingwoman you are. You have survived the worst that life can give and you have come through itwith kindness in your heart. So many people, maybe everyone, who was forced into being achild prostitute like you were would have a bitterness that would eat away at their souls. Theywould want only revenge on others, on society, for what happened to them. Not you. Instead ofbitterness and hatred and anger, you found kindness in your heart. You had been in hell for thosefirst 13 years of your life and when you saw the dying people at Southern, you looked insideyour heart and found compassion and empathy because you knew that they had been in hell at

Southern. Mary, I want to learn from you. I want to be the person you are - strong, loving,caring. You are my hero.

Mary, when I'm with you I realize that I didn't cause Miller to rape and murder Sarah. Irealize I was a stupid kid who was just talking. You've cleansed my heart. There's nothing Ineed to atone for."

That was the start of our wonderful relationship of 33 years. We've loved each othermore every day. We decided not to adopt children, but to devote our lives to our careers and toeach other. Sometimes I've missed having children, especially when I see mothers cuddling theirbabies or mothers playing with their children on a playground. But now I have a child - you - soI'll have experiences of being a parent, but a parent of an adult child, and maybe someday I'llhave the joy of being a great-grandmother and then I can cuddle and play with my grandkids'kids. Don't tell Wendy what I said. She'll think I'm pressuring her into getting married andhaving a baby, or with today's way of doing this, just having a baby.Before we could get married, we had to make lots of changes. First, I had to change jobs.I couldn't continue as the resident night manager and live with Charlie in my small apartment.Again, Gladys came to my rescue. She was being transferred to a new group home for moreseverely disabled women. This group would be harder to normalize because of the degree oftheir handicap. She asked if I wanted to serve as Assistant Director under her. I was thrilled towork with her on this challenge. I'd work 9 to 5 which was good for me since I wouldn't have tobe away from Charlie in the evenings.

Charlie and I had rented an apartment in his building which was near Sheridan andFoster. The new group home called Dirkson House was quite far away. I would have to take twobusses and it would take at least an hour of travel. Charlie decided that it was time I learned todrive so I could get a car and drive to work. Driving was not a dream of mine. The thought ofsteering a deadly vehicle through the crowded streets of Chicago was frightening. But Charliehelped me overcome my fear. He got me an old blue Chevy and we spent our free time with mepracticing how to drive in a deserted school parking lot. After two months, Charlie thought I wasready for the test. I had no trouble with the written test, but the behind-the-wheel test wassomething else. My hands were so wet with sweat, I didn't think I could move the steering

wheel. On my first try I failed!! I forgot to put on my directionals. I didn't stop at a stop sign. Iknew how to do these things, but my nervousness made me forget to even breathe. I was totallydistraught and said that I'd never try again. Well Charlie doesn't know the meaning of the wordno so two weeks later I was back behind the wheel and thank the Lord I passed. I added a copyof my driver's license to my wall of competence. Interestingly, I've learned to love driving.When we take long trips, I do more of the driving than Charlie.

The apartment we got was in the same building where Charlie and Jimmy lived forseveral years. We had four rooms. One of the bedrooms was where we slept and the other weconverted to an office. Charlie had furniture from his old apartment so we didn't have much tobuy when we first started out. We were so in love that we didn't notice the holes and filth on thefurniture, but gradually we became aware of the fact that our place looked like a slum so weeventually replaced everything. The old furniture was so junky that when we put it out on thestreet for the garbage collectors, no one picked it up.

On December 22, 1977, we had a church wedding. Although I kept saying that I justwanted to get married in City Hall. I didn't really mean it. We had a perfect wedding, but Isuppose all couples say that, but for us it really was perfect. We planned on having a smallwedding in the church that Jimmy went to, but like most weddings ours ballooned to a fairlylarge affair. I'd gone to Judy's church and gotten to know her priest, Father Dominic. But hecouldn't marry us because we weren't Catholic and we didn't plan on converting or havingchildren. So we were married by Reverend Tom in a Methodist Church. Reverend Tom was anelderly man who was planning to retire, but he put it off so he could perform our marriage as hislast act as a minister. Judy was my matron of honor and Jimmy was Charlie's best man. Judymade me a lovely wedding dress without a pattern by just copying a picture of a dress I found inBride's magazine. It was an ankle length, white, soft, billowy chiffon dress with a boat neck. Istill have it in a trunk in my basement. Every year on our anniversary, I take it out and recall howthat day was the happiest of my life, even happier than getting out of Southern. I would try thedress on, but I've put 20 pounds on since my wedding. I can't believe I was so small.I can vividly recall every word spoken at the ceremony. When Charlie kissed me, I feltthat God was binding me to him for eternity. We held the reception in the church social hall. Iinvited my co-workers and all my ladies from Lawndale House and Charlie invited his co-

workers and his basketball team. And of course we had the whole Pulaski family which added upto more than 20 people. What a strange mix of people they were, but these were the people whogave meaning to our lives. I called Mrs. Brown to invite her to the wedding because she'd beenso good to me and because I wanted her to know what had happened to the man she'd spoken toon the phone about a year earlier. Mrs. Brown came, but she brought someone I never expectedto see again - Dr. Warner. She told him about me getting married, and he said that he deeplyregretted that our relationship had died with the death of Sarah. He wanted to see me again, buthe didn't want to call. He was afraid I might say that I didn't want to see him, but of course, Icould never say that. I thought about him a lot and hoped someday we would meet again. I wasso glad to have him share the happiest day of my life. And for the last 32 years I've beenblissfully married. So Charlie and I have lived happily ever after just like a fairy tale.